The Public Non-Announcement Generator
You have made an ordinary decision. Nobody asked about it. Nobody will. The Office of Communications can nonetheless prepare a formal statement, for the version of you who feels one is owed.
Official statement pending
Choose a decision and a tone, then press Issue statement. The Office will draft something you did not need.
A note from the department that requested this instrument
Professor Price studies how small decisions become public positions. His working observation is that the decision is rarely the problem. The problem arrives at the moment someone decides the decision needs a statement, because a statement invites a response, and a response invites a counter-statement, and by Thursday a sandwich has a comment section.
This generator exists so that the urge to announce can be satisfied privately, on a document nobody will receive. Print it if you like. Pin it to the fridge. The Office considers that a full release.
Full disclosure: this site exists partly so you’ll read a newsletter. It’s The Detention Slip. Here’s why we’re telling you. That is the only announcement on this page that was strictly necessary.